I trust that God has guided your steps this week and
directed you in your service for Him.
When hearts are open to God, He has His ways of leading
those hearts in His timing. From the beginning of my senior year in college (fall
1991), I knew that God wanted me to go to the mission field, but I didn't know
exactly when that would be. As I worked to pay off my school bill, I waited on
God.
In September of 1994, I realized that my number of vacation
days from work was becoming significant. I saw that as an opportunity to be
able to take a brief missions trip, which I began planning toward for the
following summer. Even as I made contacts, my desire was growing to do more
than just a short trip. I had an increasing desire to go to Mexico "for
real."
My church had a missionary from Mexico visit at the
beginning of September, and I believe there was another visiting missionary
later in the month. Each of these visits worked to prod me further. I wanted to
go sooner rather than later, but I saw my outstanding debt as an obstacle. Though
I believe my school bill was paid off by this time, I had needed to purchase a
new car at the beginning of 1994.
In my anxiousness to go, I sat down and made out a two-year
budget. It looked like I would be able to finish paying for my car by August of
1996. I still wanted to take a trip somewhere in both the summer of 1995 and
the summer of 1996 - as I put it, to keep the vision fresh and to help
missionaries and to help prepare me. I was hoping to start deputation later in
that time frame and work toward getting to the field as close as possible to
summer 1997.
Toward the end of September or beginning of October, my
pastor preached a sermon that stirred my heart. He preached about Moses' call.
I wish I still had the notes that I had made at the time. The key thing I
remember was God's question to Moses, "What is that in your hand?"
Moses had a rod, nothing very spectacular. God chose to use that rod in some
pretty amazing ways. First, it was a sign of God's authority, as God turned it
to a snake and back again. Later, it was used in many miracles and in key parts
of the Israelites' escape. Moses rather belittled himself in that conversation
with God. He didn't consider himself worthy or capable of serving. My pastor's
application was that if we would offer to God the simple things we had, then
God would use us.
Based on that sermon, I wrote my own conversation between
myself and God. At this point, I cannot locate the exact words, but it went
something like this.
God: Who are you?
Me: Nobody special.God: What is that in your hand?
Me: A love of kids, knowledge of Spanish, ability to teach. Not much.
God: Will you give me those things?
Me: Of course. They are yours.
God: Are you willing for me to use you?
Me: Yes.
God: Be ready to be used.
At the beginning of October, we had another missionary at
church and again my heart was touched. I noted that every time a missionary had
come recently, it had increased my own desire to go – not just sometime, but
soon. I was still looking at about three years out, but I evaluated again. I
didn't want to wait that long. In fact, I wished I could go the following
summer. As I thought things through, it was my car payments that held me back.
Although my thinking may have been a bit radical, I realized that the solution
was to sell my car, thinking that I wouldn't need it on the mission field. I
was also helping out with Spanish classes at my Christian school, so I knew
that pushed things back until the school year ended in June.
Just like that, in the space of about five weeks, God had
moved my departure date from indefinite to 1997 to possibly 1995. (In fact, I
ended up going at the very beginning of 1996.) I was very aware that God had
incrementally increased my burden over those weeks to show me that it was time
to begin preparations. I shared this commitment with my parents and with my
church and started putting out serious inquiries regarding coworkers, specific
location, and supervising agency.
It still amazes me to read this story. In fact, as I was
looking back over some journals for details of this time frame, I was shocked
by my immaturity and struggle in so many areas. I battled deeply on seemingly a
daily basis with things that were huge at the time, but that I now see as petty
and immature. How God ever used me is beyond me. It is truly a testimony of His
grace and an illustration of what my pastor had preached about Moses. When I
was willing to give myself to God as I was and with what I had, He could use
me.
The truth is that none of us is perfect. We don't have it
all together. If we were to look back in twenty years at the things we struggle
with now, we would probably be appalled. Thankfully, God doesn't demand
perfection from us in order to use us. Somehow His power and grace and truth
shine through in spite of ourselves. When we are willing and when we offer
ourselves to God, He uses us for His glory.
"But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to
shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the
things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God
has chosen, the things that are not, ... so that no man may boast before
God" (I Corinthians 1:27-29).
What you do today matters for eternity.
Love in Christ,
Peggy HoltOpen Door Baptist Church
Lebanon, PA
www.dearmissionarylady.blogspot.com
www.pressingontohigherground.blogspot.com
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