01272024 Trial of Faith

Dear Missionary Lady,

Greetings in the name of the Author and Finisher of our faith, the One who keeps us from beginning to end. It’s hard for me to imagine that someone needs this particular message, but since God has placed it on my heart, I have to trust Him that someone does. Because it is so intricately linked with my own story, it’s hard to know how to share enough to relate to others without focusing too much on myself, so I ask God to guide my thoughts and to minister as He sees fit.

Sometimes my writing feels deceptive – not in God’s truth, but in my presentation. I don’t want to give the impression that I am a strong and mature Christian who never struggles, that I have all the words of truth and encouragement and that I cling to them with unwavering tenacity. That is far from the truth. My writing, whenever it expresses valuable and helpful truth, comes from me (through God) at my best moments, and only because in my worst moments I have desperately and repeatedly needed to seek such truth.

I have seen through Bible accounts, through the lives of others, and in my own experience, that there is a special aspect to trials when they become extended or multiplied. That is when otherwise faithful people sometimes flounder. I am finally seeing some significant improvement in my nearly two-and-a-half-year struggle to recover from COVID, but there is still much journey remaining, and the continuing challenges are sometimes daunting, both in my body and in my spirit.

Perhaps more than any other season in my life, this is a trial of faith, and it continues even into the present. If people knew how much I have struggled and sometimes still do, I fear I would lose my testimony and would never again be trusted to minister to others. Except, of course, if people allow for the reality of universal human frailty and as the transforming grace of God stabilizes me. I can imagine something of Paul’s conflict, knowing his tremendous internal battles as shared in Romans 7, yet also realizing that God wanted him to pen so much of the New Testament. We are such unworthy and incapable servants, redeemed and enabled by God to minister in ways that are far beyond our natural capability.

While I don’t excuse or condone my struggle, I have some reassurance in realizing that it is a normal response of a fallible human. I’m not the first, and I won’t be the last to travel through dark waters. God has upheld and rescued others, and He can uphold and rescue me. I hesitate to share details, but I believe my communication will be more effective with some transparency, so here is some of what I mean by a trial of faith. It is not that I want to abandon God, but often it feels like surviving is the best I can do. I’m a believer, and I intend to be, but it is as if I am temporarily floating, treading water, just managing to hang on. I want to simply rest in the knowledge that I have God and let that knowledge be a tether that allows me to drift along without drifting away.

It is hard to pursue spiritual activity. I easily seek meaningless diversions. I’ve gone through extended periods during which I never wanted to go back to church again. Prayer habitually starts with admissions of my struggle and doesn’t always go much further. I frequently find myself not even wanting to read the Bible. When I do, truths that I know should be deeply meaningful seem to bounce right off my heart, and often it doesn’t even seem possible to understand the Bible. I might have academic explanations, but my sense of conviction and certainty is weak. Sadly, in thinking of church, the Bible, and so forth, I have sometimes used words like stupid, dry, empty, and don’t care. In summary, something inside me is shaken, bruised, and wobbly.

I realize that my physical challenges create fatigue, stress, and overload, but regardless of whether the root of my struggle is physical, spiritual, or a combination, the consequence is the same: danger, danger, danger. I have been keenly aware that it would be so much easier to slide away than to stand firm. That last statement introduces the message God wants me to share, which is the absolute necessity of fighting.

The first aspect of fighting is that I can’t. The battle and the enemy are too strong for me but not too strong for God. I have to trust God to keep me, just as He has saved me (Phil. 1:6). If it were up to me to keep myself, I can’t do it, but God can, and there is reassurance in knowing I can trust Him. Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.

The second aspect of fighting is simply to keep doing the right thing. If I skip church once because it is easier, that one poor decision could be the beginning of disaster and of never coming back. I can’t stop reading the Bible or praying or meditating. The risk and the cost are too great. I can’t give in to the feeling that spiritual things don’t matter or that God’s words are not true. I have to realize that right now it only feels like they’re not true, but in actuality they are true. I just need to keep doing the right thing, putting one foot in front of the other, until the time that what IS true starts to feel true again. Because it is, and it will.

Thankfully, the spiritual struggles listed above are not constant, and the reason is that the grace and mercy of God are upholding me. I want to close with four verses that have come to mind as I ponder the spiritual struggle. These truths explain the times of victory.

“Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). I have to deliberately and repeatedly turn back to God’s truth. That’s not something I do because I am especially spiritual. Rather, it’s how I survive. Every day and especially every night.

“For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds” (II Corinthians 10:4). God gives supernatural ability to control the wrong thoughts that seem invincible.

“So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Romans 10:17). If my faith is weak, where does faith come from? This is true for Christians also. As I was challenged by this verse, I embraced a plan to read the Bible through. My faith was immediately bolstered, as I realized I believe the creation and the flood, which are some of the hardest things for people to believe.

“He restoreth my soul” (Psalm 23:3). He does. Time after blessed time. God ministers to me and brings me back from the depths. I think of I Peter 5:10, that in the deliverance, God will “perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle.” These divine responses answer to my current weaknesses; they are what God does for people who are shaken, bruised, and wobbly.

If God intended this message for you, I say to you what I say to myself: DO NOT GIVE UP! It’s not wrong to be in the battle, but you have to fight, and keep fighting even if you fall. Don’t focus on the doubts, but focus on truth. Remember that faith is trusting when we don’t understand. The enemy is strong, but God is stronger. The One who saved you will also keep you. The victory belongs to God.

Love in Christ,

Peggy Holt

member at Open Door Baptist Church in Lebanon, PA

01212024 God's Not Working

Dear Missionary Lady,

Greetings in the name of our ever-faithful God. He is steadfastly working on our behalf, even when we are unaware.

Moses brought exceedingly good news to the enslaved nation of Israel. He delivered God's message: "I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will rid you out of their bondage, and I will redeem you with a stretched out arm, and with great judgments” (Exodus 6:6).

This was not the first time Moses had given this message of hope. At the end of chapter 4, he had met with the elders and delivered the same message. At that time, he had performed several signs in the sight of all the people to validate his message and to assure them that God had sent him.

In chapter 6, however, when Moses spoke the words of hope and deliverance, the people refused to hear him. “They hearkened not unto Moses for anguish of spirit, and for cruel bondage” (6:9). This was not the first instance of a harsh response. Earlier, the people had ambushed Moses and delivered accusatory words: “The LORD look upon you, and judge; because ye have made our savour to be abhorred in the eyes of Pharaoh, and in the eyes of his servants, to put a sword in their hand to slay us” (5:21).

After God encouraged and reassured Moses, Moses went back to the people with the renewed promises of 6:6-8. The message was rejected. The Israelites had formed a conclusion. Not only did they fail to believe that God was rescuing them, but they believed themselves further from deliverance than ever. It was obvious to them that God was not working on their behalf. Things were only getting worse.

God was not working?!?! Oh, my. God was more actively at work than He had been for 400 years. God had heard the cries of His oppressed people. God had taken note of their suffering and their groaning. God had chosen a pharaoh on whom to demonstrate His power, and whom He would bring into submission and ruin. God had chosen a prophet to deliver them, had protected this man from death as an infant, had provided him with amazing training, had preserved him from his own impulsive actions, and had called him to return for the express purpose of leading their release. God had devised a plan of plagues through which He would bring Egypt to its knees and through which He would send His people out with unimagined riches. God had already thrown the challenge down in front of the pharoah. God was certainly at work!

It has often been stated, and there is even a hymn about it, that it is always darkest just before the dawn. I assume that statement is true meteorologically. I don’t know whether it is always true in our struggles of life, but it probably at least seems true. When we have long endured, we feel the weight and discouragement of the long trial. We have never carried that weight for as long as we have carried it at the moment just before deliverance. So in that sense, it would often appear to be the case that it is indeed darkest just before the dawn.

So the question is, Does it seem really dark right now? Does it seem like God is not working? Like deliverance is further away than ever? Are things only getting worse?

Take hope! Even if all those things seem true from a human standpoint, that does not mean that God is not at work. He always has a perfect plan, and you might be just on the cusp of seeing that plan displayed. In fact, it is very likely that some steps have already been taken and that the wheels are already turning.

Even the process of deliverance may be difficult, as it was for Israel. Sometimes the victory cannot be achieved without some anguish and struggle, but those difficulties are working to accomplish God’s good plan. We can rest assured that God will work out His plan.

“I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD” (Psalm 27:13-14). Believe. Wait. Hope. Even if things are darker now than ever, God will do all that He has promised. His answer might be right around the corner, or it might still be distant, but it will come.

Love in Christ,

Peggy Holt

member at Open Door Baptist Church in Lebanon, PA

01142024 Psalm 62 Meditations - Part 8

Dear Missionary Lady,

Greetings in the name of the Omnipotent God. By contrast, all other forces and false deities are non-potent. What a blessing to know the truth!

“God hath spoken once; twice have I heard this; that power belongeth unto God. Also unto thee, O Lord, belongeth mercy: for thou renderest to every man according to his work” (Psalm 62:11-12).

The first puzzle is about these words “once” and “twice.” I don’t think they are literal; rather, it seems like a figure of speech. On the one hand, God would only have to say something once, and it wouldn’t matter if we heard it more than once. Literally, though, both God’s declaration and David’s other hearings probably happened far more often than once or twice. Like Paul’s three times praying about his thorn in the flesh probably refers to three focused periods of prayer, this could refer to two times in which David has had the truth confirmed to him in significant ways.

My personal inclination, however, is that the numbers are ordinal rather than quantitative. That is, God first spoke, and David second heard. Both words can be used that way. So God declares the premise, and then David sees the confirmation or repetition within the reality of life. Regardless of the precise meaning, what is important is the message itself. What is it that God has declared and that David has heard?

It is that power belongs to God. This really is a logical conclusion of the psalm. David waits on God alone, because God alone has the power. None of the other components David mentions can compare to God’s power. Not the enemies. Not the conspiracies. Not the violence. Not the deception. Not the quantities of common men united. Not the influential men. Not the wickedness. Not the crime. Not the riches. It all pales next to God, who is the only one with true power.

The profundity of these four simple words really struck me: Power belongs to God. Those words could serve as our shield or our anchor in the midst of any trial. When things are too hard for us, power belongs to God. When the attacks are fierce, power belongs to God. When everything we have built seems ready to collapse, power belongs to God. When we prepare to move into a new and possibly daunting endeavor, power belongs to God. When we deeply sense our own weakness, power belongs to God. These four words provide stability for life, regardless of the situation. But “What if …?” It doesn’t matter. Power belongs to God.

There are at least three conclusions regarding the fact of God’s power. First, no threat should leave us in a state of fear, because God has the power over them. Second, we can absolutely trust God in every situation, because He has the power to do whatever is needed. Third, when we lack strength, we can look to God who owns all the power and who gives it to us in our need.

The final verse of the psalm provides an important balance. God has all power – true. But He is more than just power. God could seem like a cold and heartless unstoppable force if we knew only about His power, but He is also a God of love. “Mercy” refers to gentle lovingkindness and favor. That divine response is very important. God’s powerful actions toward us stem from His love, and He cares for us the whole time that He is doing the actions. It’s not an “either/or” but a “both/and.”

Not all trials are alike. Sometimes we might be discouraged by not seeing how God can deliver; that temptation requires a focus on His power. At other times we might admit that God has all the power and that He sovereignly works out His will against all forces, but we struggle with whether He loves us in the process. We just want some gentleness and some love. God has that, too! Just like power belongs to God, and no one does power better, so lovingkindness belongs to God, and no one does that better, either.

David concludes with a proof of God’s love. He says that God recompenses men according to their works or actions. This is a demonstration of love, because it means that in the end, things will always come out right in the sight of God. That is true for both “good” people and “bad” people. The God-rejecters will reap the proper result of their evil deeds, and they will be punished and brought down. The God-followers will also reap the proper result of their deeds, and they will be delivered and blessed. There is some complexity to this discussion and some obvious finessing of the truth, but the bottom line is that God knows those who are His, and He responds in a just way toward people who are devoted to Him. That righteous response will result in vindication and reward, and it is produced by His lovingkindness.

I trust that these meditations on Psalm 62 have blessed your heart as they have blessed mine. May our loving, powerful God carry you through whatever lies ahead in the week to come.

Love in Christ,

Peggy Holt

member at Open Door Baptist Church in Lebanon, PA

01062024 Psalm 62 Meditations - Part 7

Dear Missionary Lady,

Greetings in the name of the Supreme God. He alone is all that we need, and He alone provides all that we need.

“Surely men of low degree are vanity, and men of high degree are a lie: to be laid in the balance, they are altogether lighter than vanity. Trust not in oppression, and become not vain in robbery: if riches increase, set not your heart upon them” (Psalm 62:9-10).

Is David just speaking here in self-reflection, or is he talking to someone else? I think this continues his speech (from v. 8) toward others who are among his supporters. In some ways, these verses almost seem like warnings directed to his wicked attackers, and they certainly could serve that purpose, but I think they are continued exhortation and encouragement toward his friends. David is continuing to share with them the things he has learned and that have become confidence-building life convictions for him.

One seemingly odd thing about these two verses, especially if they are intended for encouragement, is that they are filled with negatives. They speak of common men and renowned men, both apparently as enemies. They speak of oppression, robbery, and riches. None of these seem positive in connotation, but they actually are when the conclusion is reached.

David considers each of these negatives to be empty. Take the men of low degree – the common or even base men of society. These men can easily be roused into powerful mobs or crowds of malcontents bent on doing evil. Even the vast quantity of these men does not make them powerful; they are vanity. What about the men of high degree – men of rank? Surely they are the ones with the power and influence. No, David says. Their apparent influence and prestige is just a lie; there is nothing real to it.

Take all these men together, both the numerous base men and the scarcer elite men, and put them on one side of a balance. What an imposing weight that must be! Not so, says David. Alone or together they still are lighter than vanity. The side of the scales they are in would go shooting up to the sky. They weigh less than breath.

Let’s move on from men themselves to some of the apparent sources of men’s power. Oppression – the philosophy of “Might makes right.” Those who are the biggest bullies get whatever they want. Robbery – shamelessly stealing what does not belong to you, leaving others so deprived that they can’t fight back. Riches – whoever has the most money can buy anything he needs, including “loyalty” and violence. David exhorts not to trust in any of these. Don’t count on them. They are fickle, weak, and undependable. They give the illusion of strength but no reliable fortitude.

Although these verses talk about negative factors, the point is that none of those negatives are substantial, no matter how threatening they may seem when used against someone or how bolstering they may seem when used by someone. The weakness is seen by contrast. David will state it outright in v. 11, but even a thoughtful consideration of vs. 9-10 leads to the conclusion that these supposed powers are weak in comparison with God. There is an infinite contrast between God and anything else.

This whole psalm is about where to place one’s trust. Each of the options listed here is invalid. This is similar to the message of Ecclesiastes. Man can try all kinds of things that he thinks will give him hope and success, but they are all empty. Asaph learned the same lesson in Psalm 73. It might seem like the wicked are winning, but they are in a fragile position and will soon fall. This is what David is expressing through the picture of the scales. What is on the other side of the scales that makes men so light that they rise to the top? The true source of trust - God. Nothing compares to Him. Nothing can hope to even equal Him in the balances, let alone outweigh Him.

If God is on our side, it does not matter what is on the other side. The forces that seem most threatening are no match. Even unrestrained evil, which seems uncontrollable, is really not so powerful. One person can have God, while another person can have everything else, and God will prove to be more faithful and reliable. God will bring the salvation that other resources cannot achieve. If all these negatives cannot be depended on for help, neither should they be feared. Realizing that God far surpasses them removes the fear that comes from threats and oppression. With God on our side, the threats are really not that threatening.

May our great God uphold you this week and put all the threats to shame.

Love in Christ,

Peggy Holt

member at Open Door Baptist Church in Lebanon, PA