I'm hesitant to assume that others have the same degree of heart weakness that I have. At the same time, I realize that we are all frail creatures who sometimes struggle. The causes, timing, intensity, and areas of struggle differ from one person to the next, but we are all human. So at the risk of failing to relate to those who are not struggling (or those whose maturity means that their struggles are generally rare and shallow), I want to share from the heart with those who may currently have some need. I will include several quotations from The Bruised Reed by Richard Sibbes, a very timely book that repeatedly reinforced what God is teaching me.
The world is engulfed in a pandemic that has introduced accompanying deep challenges practically, economically, socially, and emotionally. That may be the most common area of struggle for us currently, although some may be handling that fine; other dynamics unrelated to that event may be affecting others or will in the future.
Struggle does not have to mean the depths of agony or the hardest thing you've gone through in years. Sometimes it does mean that, even for mature Christians. The depth of our struggle may cause us to ask hard questions or to accuse ourselves harshly. We may feel deep failure and disappointment at our inability to "handle things right," wondering if we have forgotten everything God has ever taught us. Or our responses might be much less intense, but still we are left wondering why we are impacted as much as we are, when we think we should just be able to trust God and move forward unperturbed.
Those who are in positions of ministry and leadership can feel a responsibility to be strong for everyone else, to not show any weakness, to be prepared to give help to others. I thank God for those who are able to do that, for those who have stability and can provide help. I also know that sometimes we know how to give help, truth, hope, and encouragement to others, while finding those same words somewhat empty and insufficient in our own hearts. What do we do when our tank is empty? How do we respond when we face difficult internal struggles and when our own questions abound? We can know that God has not abandoned us. "Weaknesses do not debar us from mercy; rather they incline God to us the more (Psa. 78:39)." (Sibbes)
One
truth God showed me is from James 1:2-4. God uses trials to
bring maturity. Attaining maturity means we don't already have it, that there
is something we need to learn and an area where we need to grow. God helped me
to see that this is a new situation that I've never been in before. It is a new
trial designed to teach new lessons and bring new maturity. There's a brand new
learning curve. I feel like
I'm standing on bare ground on this particular project, just starting to gather
the materials and prepare the foundation. God has things to do in me through
this trial, and growth always starts somewhere. There's nothing wrong with
being at the beginning of a time of spiritual growth. "But if God brings
us into the trial he will be with us in the trial, and at length bring us out,
more refined. We shall lose nothing but dross (Zech. 13:9)." (Sibbes)
A
second realization is that I have a responsibility to seek growth. I won't find
the answers through hours of self-contemplation and analysis, nor by having the
opportunity to tell someone else all about my struggle. The solution is in
seeking God's truth in His Word and in other godly sources. Psalm 119:130. I
once had a friend tell me that God's truth is like a stream that will carry us
to growth, but we have to get in the stream. Even when it's hard and we don't
really feel like it. "As we set about duty, God strengthens the influence
that he has in us. We find a warmness of heart and increase of strength, the
Spirit going along with us and raising us up by degrees." (Sibbes)
A
third lesson is my own inadequacy. I can't manufacture spiritual growth. That
is God's work, a spiritual work, facilitated by His Spirit who lives in me. Philippians
1:6. I can desire growth, but I can't force it to happen. "Nature, simply
considered, cannot raise itself above itself to actions which are spiritual and
of a higher order and nature. Therefore the divine power of Christ is necessary
to carry us above all our own strength, especially in duties in which we meet
with greater opposition; for there, not only nature will fail us, but ordinary
grace, unless there is a stronger and a new supply. In taking up a burden that
is weightier than ordinary, if there is not a greater proportion of strength
than weight, the one who undertakes it will lie under the burden; so for every
strong encounter there must be a new supply of strength." "The
victory lies not with us, but with Christ, who has taken on him both to conquer
for us and to conquer in us. The victory lies neither in our own strength to
get it, nor in our enemies' strength to defeat it." (Sibbes)
Fourth, I have been challenged to prayer. I have to talk to God honestly. Psalm 62:8. I have to ask Him for help, ask Him to do in me what I can't do in myself. Probably the best thing I can do is to ask God to do what He already wants to do in my heart, using verses from His Word as a basis. I've seen God answer such prayers this week, giving help and strength at times that it didn't humanly make sense, but I knew God was answering my prayers.
Fifth, I was reminded again that God determines what my spiritual growth looks like and how He will bring it about. Maybe for now, God intends life to be hard, and He wants to see me continue faithfully with Him anyway. Maybe He wants me to walk through a dark valley so that I can learn lessons I wouldn't learn elsewhere. I Peter 1:7. God knows how long that time needs to be and how He will bring me out. "God often works by contraries: when he means to give victory, he will allow us to be foiled at first; when he means to comfort, he will terrify first; when he means to justify, he will condemn us first; when he means to make us glorious, he will abase us first." (Sibbes)
Sixth, God will give victory in His time to those who earnestly desire and seek it. I need to wait patiently on Him. Galatians 6:9. "So let us never give up, but, in our thoughts, knit the beginning, progress and end together." "Grace, as the seed in the parable, grows, we know not how. Yet at length, when God sees fittest, we shall see that all our endeavor has not been in vain. The tree falls upon the last stroke, yet all the strokes help the work forward." (Sibbes)
Conclusion, (which means the conclusion of this letter and certainly not the conclusion of growth), God, or Satan, or my own flesh, or a combination thereof, is bringing many challenges into my life right now. Satan means it to destroy me, but God means it for good and for growth. I'm not in a position of answers and victory yet, but there are certain things in which I can be confident, and they all have to do with God and His character and His Word. "Christ will not leave us till he has made us like himself, all glorious within and without, and presented us blameless before his Father (Jude 24). What a comfort this is in our conflicts with our unruly hearts, that it shall not always be thus!" (Sibbes) - To which my heart echoes a hearty "Amen!" May He be with you this week in your own journey.
Love in Christ,
Peggy Holt
member at Open Door Baptist Church in Lebanon, PA
www.pressingontohigherground.blogspot.com
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