05102019 Guilt Trips

Dear Missionary Lady,

Greetings in the name of our Savior. Happy Mother's Day to those of you who are mothers, and for those who are not, may God comfort you in His love and give you joy in remembering those in whom you have invested your love and guidance.

Any holiday can be difficult for those whom it excludes, and that is just one example of a time when Christians might struggle. I was thinking recently about those frustrating times of struggle. Women especially can face difficult emotional struggles, sometimes brief and intense, and other times prolonged and oppressive. Those times of challenge can be prompted by many things, perhaps most commonly by a trial or loss.

In general, people don't like to admit weakness, and for Christian leaders, this can be intensified. Such people can believe that showing any sign of struggle will result in loss of respect, loss of support, loss of opportunities, and maybe even loss of their ministries. Unfortunately, such people have often been put high upon a pedestal where they can easily have their every move examined; any wavering or cracking becomes grounds for abandoning or condemning them.

One's own expectations can sometimes be even more difficult than the expectations of others. Whether the trial is minor, like canceled plans that one had looked forward to, or major, like a serious health concern or family emergency, we often place unreasonable demands on ourselves. Based on the fact that we are Christians, or how long we have been Christians, or our leadership role, we think that we should be able to face trials without allowing them to affect us. We think that we shouldn't be this sad, this discouraged, this hurt, this pressured, etc. We expect ourselves to be mature enough to handle whatever comes in life without getting ruffled or perturbed.

I once did a Bible study about crying. I found that aside from a few situations of manipulative tears, crying is not recorded negatively in the Bible. It is matter-of-factly accepted as normal. Crying is merely the body's response (or outlet) for situations where the human body and/or spirit have been stretched beyond their limits.

Jesus' example readily reveals that God understands this. When Jesus saw the widow weeping over her son's death, He compassionately brought that son back to life (Luke 7). He sympathetically wept with Martha and Mary at the tomb of Lazarus (John 11). He had a precious interaction with Mary Magdalene after His resurrection (John 20). As she stood crying in the garden, He asked her, "Woman, why weepest thou?" These words were not accusation or rebuke. They were compassionate. The intent of His words could easily be translated "What's the matter?"

Still our minds protest against personal displays of frailty. We think of Paul and Silas, beaten and imprisoned, singing at midnight. We think of the disciples, who rejoiced at being counted worthy to suffer for the gospel. We want to know why we can't be like that.

God does sometimes give unusual grace to rise above some very difficult circumstances, but even those exemplary men sometimes struggled. The same Paul who sang in the prison also spoke of the struggle of his own earthen vessel: "We are troubled on every side ... we are perplexed ... persecuted ... cast down" (II Corinthians 4:7-9). The same Peter who rejoiced in persecution later acknowledged the reality of struggle: "Though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations" (I Peter 1:6). Even in those same verses, Paul and Peter declare that they were not utterly defeated; they had anchors of hope to cling to, but they did struggle, and they legitimized the struggle of others.

Yes, as Christians we should handle life's problems differently, but even as Christians, we are still human. We want to forget that, but God remembers it. God knows our frame, that we are only dust (Psalm 103:13-14). We are not brick or rock or steel. We are fragile.

We are also not alone. The same extraordinary grace that helped some to rise above very difficult trials is available to help all of us get through the troubles we face. God's grace is sufficient. He knows our weakness, and His response is that of compassion. He tells us to "come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16). There is no distinction of whether that is a major life crisis or something minor that we think shouldn't bother us at all. Regardless of the intensity, if we are in a time of need, we need grace to help us through. God freely offers that grace and generously pours it out on us.

This concept is not an excuse for us to wallow in hurt or discouragement, nor does it mean that we shouldn't grow and mature, but it does provide some good perspective. It can keep us from despairing over our inability to rise above every trial. It can prevent us from going on a damaging and restricting guilt trip. It can protect us from being our own worst enemy by crippling our ability to minister because we deem ourselves unworthy.

Trials are too hard for us, but they are never too hard for God. We are frail, but God is strong. God knows our weakness, and He offers His abundant grace. May you be supported and upheld by His grace this week.

Love in Christ,
Peggy Holt
member at Open Door Baptist Church in Lebanon, PA
www.pressingontohigherground.blogspot.com